


Without You

by Windify



Series: The Katana Chronicles [13]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Accidentally High, Angst, Brotherly Love, Crying, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Good Older Sibling Leonardo (TMNT), Hugs, I Love You, Insecurity, Leonardo-centric (TMNT), Protective Siblings, Turtle Pile (TMNT)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29609829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windify/pseuds/Windify
Summary: Don’s voice was suddenly so serious. “Leo, are you… are you high?”A moment of silence. “… no?”Donatello groaned, letting go of his jaw. “He’s high.”
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT)
Series: The Katana Chronicles [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2099514
Comments: 20
Kudos: 60





	Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Why this have more than 3000 words, what the heck. That was not supposed to happen, just like the fic wasn’t supposed to went the way it went but I think I should’ve count with that when I started writing this. Meh. xD
> 
> Anyway, I have like zero idea what’s this work supposed to be so just. Enjoy.

“Shouldn’t Leo be back by now?”

“Shouldn’t you stop worrying, Raph? That’s Leo’s job.”

“Guys, he can take care of himself. It’s Leo.”

Yet all of them sounded nervous which, in fact, wasn’t surprising at all. Last time Leo was long for that long, the Foot threw him through the window in April’s flat, the eldest turtle beaten, unconscious and later even comatose. No one wanted to repeat that experience.

The three turtles who stayed in the lair while Leo went out to his this time night rooftop run looked at each other. It was nearly half past one in the morning and they stayed up, waiting for their brother to return. They were never able to fell asleep with one of them topside, no matter who it was, the ‘human world is dangerous’ instinct imprinted deep into their bones.

“That’s it, I’m going after him.” Raph stood up from the couch, throwing the videogame controller away.

Mikey caught the controller and set both, Raphael’s and his own, to a box next to the console. “Maybe you should wait just a little longer. Hey Don, can’t you track Leo’s shell cell?”

There was silence for a few second before they heard loud ‘thud’ as Donatello banged his head against his desk. “Why the shell I didn’t think about this sooner?”

The youngest grinned at him. “Aww, don’t worry, Donnie, you’re still the genius of the family.”

“Yeah, sure,” he mumbled, pulling out his own shell cell. “Give me a minute. Hm… it looks like you don’t have to go anywhere, Leo’s already underground.”

Raph huffed. “Already? More like finally.”

“That’s weird. He’s moving too slow.”

Both turtles were immediately standing by Donatello’s side. “Maybe it’s broken,” Mikey suggested. “Leo would call if something happened, right?” His older brothers looked at him like he was crazy and Michelangelo glared at them: “Turtle can dream, okay?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Raphael shook his head. “He should be here any second.”

And true to his words, they all heard quiet whirring as the mechanical door to the lair opened. They swiftly moved, walking towards the blue-clad turtle. Don closed the shell cell and tucked in under his belt: “Hey Leo, we were starting to get wor – Leo? Are you alright?”

As the entrance closed behind him, Leonardo just stood there, glaring at the ground. His swords were sheathed, which was good, but there was dried blood on his knuckles. The other two turtles were quick to notice it, too.

Raph sped up. “Leo, what –”

“Not my blood,” he assured them. “I’m okay. You should be sleeping, little brothers.”

“We were waiting for you,” Michelangelo explained.

Leonardo finally lift his head, not looking at any of them. “I’m home. Go to sleep.”

They frowned, instantly alerted. They knew Leo didn’t like it when they stayed up late. Heaven knows he and Don had had enough arguments about sacrificing sleep when the genius refused to get out of his lab, but there was something wrong with his words. Yes, Leo could be commanding, but there was no need for this brief sentences.

“Leo,” Don said slowly, “look at me.”

“Go to sleep, Donnie,” Leo repeated softly.

The purple ninja grabbed his jaw and forced him to look at him, motioning to Raph to untie their stubborn brother’s mask. “You will look at me, Leonardo.”

It wasn’t like he had any other choice now. O top of that, he just _couldn’t_ refuse to do what his younger brother wanted him to do. Everything in him was set to satisfy and protect his little brothers. Right now, he couldn’t do the second, but could do the first.

So slowly, Leonardo looked at Don’s face, focusing as much as he could. Which was hard, considering his unnaturally wide pupils.

Don’s voice was suddenly so serious. “Leo, are you… are you high?”

A moment of silence. “… no?”

Donatello groaned, letting go of his jaw. “He’s high.”

“What?” Mikey and Raph yelled.

“Shh!” Leonardo shushed them immediately. “You’ll wake up dad.” A pause. “It’s late. Why’re you still up? You shouldn’t have… wait for me.”

“He’s high as a kite,” Raphael whispered, stunned. In any other occasion, he would be laughing. Now, he was only worried. “How – Leo, how did that happened?”

Leonardo didn’t answer, he just stared at them. His brothers looked at each other helplessly before Mikey snapped his fingers in front of his face: “Leonardo,” he said, trying to imitate Splinter’s firm voice, “status report. What happened topside?”

The leader straightened up. “I ran into a drug deal,” he mumbled finally. “Got caught up in a fight. Made a… stupid mistake and the dealer threw something at me. White powder, I think – I think it was meth. Maybe cocaine, I’m not sure. I inhaled it.” He paused again, looking down. “Don’t tell Raph, he’d never let me live this down.”

Mikey shook his head. “I think it’s a little late for that, Leo.”

Raph clasped his brother’s arm, supporting him even though it looked like Leo didn’t need any help. “You’re so stupid, Leo. You should’ve called us, dammit. Have you made all the way home like _this_?”

“I’m alright, Raphie.”

“You can barely focus,” Donatello pointed out, breathing deeply in an attempt to stay calm. “And you lied to us.

Leo eyed him. “Didn’t want you to see me like this,” he explained. “But I came home.”

Alright, he was onto something with that statement. And when Raph slowly started walking towards the couch, not once did Leo stumble. Raphael still helped him sit down, though.

“What’re we gonna do, Don?” Michelangelo asked silently as he and Donatello followed their two older brothers.

He hesitated, his doctor side of mind going through possible solutions. “I think the best we can do is to let the effects pass on their own. Leo did come home and we have no way of telling how much of the drug he had inhaled.”

“Sorry, Don,” Leo muttered, even now sounding guilty.

Donatello glared at him. “Don’t – you know, yes, be sorry. You should’ve called us, Leo.”

It seemed like Leonardo shrunk to himself. “So sorry, Donnie,” he whispered and – were that tears in his eyes?

They stood, staring at the eldest turtle, completely speechless. They could count on both their hands the amount of times they saw their eldest brother cry.

“Don – Don, what’s wrong with him?” Mikey asked panicky. “Why’s he crying?”

“It’s the drug, Mikey.”

“But he’s been under anesthetics before, shouldn’t it be, like, the same?”

Michelangelo’s words hit the nail on the head and Donatello realized that they had never been with Leonardo when he was dosed up with pain killers or meds. He always drove them out of the room before the effects could kick in and Don finally understood _why_.

The epiphany hit them all at the same time. Hard.

“Stop overthinking, Don.” Although Leonardo’s voice was quiet, it was still as vehement as ever. “You’re too quiet. It usually means you’re thinking more than you should. So stop it.”

“Oh my god,” Mikey breathed out.

Raph grinned at them, his expression nearly crazy as he held his laughter. “This is gonna be so much fun.”

“Leo gets emotional on drugs,” Don stated, even though it was obvious. “And he knows it.”

“And he can still hear you,” Leo pointed out, sighing deeply. He looked at the genius, smiling at him, the tears long forgotten. “You always figure out everything. You’re so intelligent. Have I ever told you how brilliant you are, Donnie?” He tilted his head to one side, not waiting for an answer. “You’re so smart, little brother. You and your inventions aren’t appreciated enough.”

Once again they stared at their brother in complete silence. “This is,” Raphael wheezed, “this is so _amazing_.”

Michelangelo shook his head. “No, it’s not. We should leave him be.”

But when they tried to move away, suddenly it was Leonardo who held Raphael, not the other way around. The blue-banded turtle gripped Raph’s arms, pulled him on himself and crushed him in a hug. “No. Don’t go.”

“What the shell,” Raph hissed, baffled. He couldn’t get out of Leo’s hold. It wasn’t like he tried, anyway. “Leo, what?”

“No.” Leonardo whined, honest to god _whined_ , something he never did. “Stay with me, Raphie. Stay all of you, please.”

It wasn’t like they had a chance to say no, now. They weren’t able to refuse when one of them needed help, no matter who it was. Sure, Leo seeking comfort was unusual but if it really was something he wanted…

“Alright,” Donatello agreed finally. “Let’s just get you more omfortable, okay? Mikey, could you get a bowl and a glass of water? And Leo, could you please let go of Raph for a moment?”

That merely made him look more panicked, especially when Michelangelo ran off to kitchen. “But you just said –”

“We’ll stay with you, Leo,” Raph assured him, already catching up with Donatello’s plan. “But we need to get your swords off of you. And the blood, too.”

He stared at them, possibly thinking. His eyes flicked towards the kitchen and he nodded only when Mikey returned. “Fine.” Leo loosened his grip on Raph, unstrapping the katanas. He put them down right next to the couch within arms reach because one never knew when they would need to protect themselves.

Donatello carefully took Leonardo’s hands, examining if the blood really wasn’t his. He needed to check if Leo wasn’t hurt, apart from being high of course. Don nod at Mikey thankfully as the youngest handed him the bowl and he used the water to wash the dried blood off of Leo’s hands. Once they were clear, Mikey handed Leo the glass with water. “You have to stay hydrated, Leo. It was Don’s idea, so doctor Don’s orders. Can’t object.”

Technically he could because Leo always somehow managed to dodge Donatello’s orders under the excuses like “I’m the leader and eldest brother, I don’t need medical checkup, who will take care of you?” and then he would proceed to shift attention from himself to his brothers. Nine out of ten times it usually worked.

But the drug, whatever it was, obviously made him more obedient. Or less stubborn, but in his case that could be synonyms. He drank the water and let both Raph and Don quickly look him over for any hidden injuries.

“All clear,” Donatello said, the relief in his words evident.

“Told you,” Leonardo hummed. Then he grabbed Don’s hand and in one quick move settled the genius to his left. No one even managed to move, no one even saw _Leo_ move, but in the next second Mikey was sprawled on top of them, blinking in surprise. Leonardo shifted a little so they were comfortable but at the same time close and touching each other.

“Oh boy,” Don mumbled.

Raph nodded, stuck between laughing and worrying. “I know what ya mean.”

“You’re so gonna hate us tomorrow when you’re in your right mind, Leo,” Mikey chuckled, squirming a little. He had exactly nothing against cuddling with his brothers, he had always loved turtle piles but he still couldn’t shake the feeling that they were using Leo’s drugged state, although it was Leo who refused to let them go.

The leader shook his head with such vigor that just watching him was making _them_ dizzy. “Don’t say things like that, Mikey,” he growled. “I could never hate you. Never, little brother. I love you, I love all of you. You mean the world to me. I will always love you, burazāzu, no matter what. You’re precious to me, my little brothers. _Precious_.”

Leo snuggled Mikey closer and the youngest gladly pressed his head against Leo’s plastron. Don was quick to follow, with legs tucked under himself he burried his head to the croock of Leo’s neck.

Raphael sighed as he leaned against the eldest turtle, resting his head on Leo’s shoulder. “Alright. Not hate us, but you’re so gonna regret this. Ya have like zero filter, Fearless.”

“I’d never, Raphie.”

The red-clad turtle closed his eyes. “Ya don’t know what’re you talking about, Leo.”

“I do.” Scratch that part about the drug making him less stubborn, he was talking with his usual confidence and determination. “The drug doesn’t change anything. I love you so much and I know I don’t say it enough, but I really do. You’re the most important people in my whole life. You’re what matters the most and I’d be lost without you. I am _nothing_ without you and I know you think I don’t mean it because of the drug but I do mean it, I always mean it.”

“We love you, too,” Raph whispered.

“And we know you love us, Leo.” Don moved his hand, slowly rubbing part of Leoardo’s carapace, knowing very well how sensitive the shell behind the neck is. 

Mikey lifted his head, staring at the eldest. “But you don’t really think you’re nothing without us, right?”

Leonardo laughed, the sound far from funny. He used his free hand to cup Mikey’s cheek, gently stroking it. “I know I am, Mikey,” he breathed out, making his three younger brothers froze. “But I wouldn’t want it any other way. You’re all I live for and it’d kill me if anything happened to you. I can’t live without you and I won’t.”

“That’s bullshit, Leo,” Raph snarled suddenly. “You can’t – you can’t say things like that. It’s not true.”

Mikey blinked, trying to chase away tears. Listening to this hurt them all. Did Leo really think all of that? “Nothing will ever happen to us. All of us, you including. You mean the world to us, too, you know?”

“This thinking is very dangerous, Leo,” Don added quietly. “It could get you killed way too easily.”

“It it meant you’ll live, then so be it.”

A beat of silence.

“That’s not – no, you know what?” Raph shook his head, teeth clenched. “We are not talking about this now, but we will talk about it when the drug’s gone.”

Leo sighed quietly and moved head slightly so his and Raph’s foreheads were touching. “Don’t be angry, Raph. There’s no need to be angry, I promise.”

“I’m not angry. I’m furious. And desperate, because I don’t like the way you think but I know that now I can do nothing about it.”

“Don’t be sad, Raphie,” Leo whispered shakily. “Not because of me, please. It’s not worth it.”

Raphael hung his head but the blue-banded turtle still noticed the tears streaming down his face. He frowned, looking at his other two brothers and panic instantly rose in his chest when he noticed they all were silently crying. “No, no, no, please, little brothers, please don’t cry. I love you, please, don’t cry. I hate it when you cry, don’t do this. Why’re you crying? I’ll fix it, whatever it is, I promise I will. Please don’t cry, I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Mikey gripped his plastron so hard it had to hurt, but the eldest brother said nothing. “Leo, I love you but shut up. Just – just be quiet, okay?”

“Okay,” he agreed immediately. “I love you, guys.”

Donatello pressed his eylids together tightly. “We know, Leo. We love you, too.”

They all hugged him, their grasps firm. The three brothers cried in silence as no one wanted to worry the eldest but it was hard to stop, Leonardo’s words stuck in their minds.

It wasn’t surprising that Leo was the first one who fell asleep, the drug and run tiring him down. His brothers followed him quickly, the stress and emotional exhaustion taking its toll on them all.

So they slept on the couch, huddled together, the closeness being the only thing that kept them away from breaking down.

~~~

He was strongly considering just running away. He was sure he could get up from the pile without waking up his brothers, he was sure he could sneak out of the lair before they would notice he’s gone.

But then what? He couldn’t just disappear, no matter how much he wanted to.

His head hurt but it was nothing compared the chaos in his thoughts. Despite the drug, he remembered everything that happened last night. Every single detail.

He felt Don shift, the movement waking up the other two turtles. Leonardo heard groaning as they sit up, heard how their breaths collectively hitched when they realized where they were and what had happened.

He knew they knew he was awake.

Leonardo was almost afraid to open his eyes, but he gathered all his courage, knowing he had to face this. “Before you say something,” he started softly, slowly opening his eyes, “I remember everything.”

Their eyes were reddened from tears, their expressions sorrowful and Leo cursed himself for being the one that caused such sadness.

“And you’re still here?” Mikey’s voice was so small, he sounded so young. Leo used their ongoing closeness to pull Mikey on himself once again.

“I meant what I said, otouto,” he assured him. “I could never regret telling you that I love you, nor I could ever hate you. Am I embarrased that I’ve got myself in that situation? Yes, because I was stupid, let my guard down and made a mistake. But I don’t regret telling you that I care about you. I could never regret this.”

Don waved his hand impatiently. “But do you remember the rest, Leo? We know you love us but what about the part where you said you’re nothing without us? Do you remember that, too?”

This time, Leonardo took a deep breath. _That_ was one of the few things his brothers should have never known about, one of the few thoughts that was supposed to stay only in his mind. And yes, he did regret saying these words because it had worried his brothers.

“Listen,” he said finally, “when I said I would do anything for you, I mean it. I would kill for you, just like I would give up my life for you. I thought you know that.”

Raph crossed his arms over his plastron. “I hate to say it, but yeah, we do know that, Fearless.”

“But this is not just about your overprotectiveness, Leo,” Mikey continued. “It’s deeper. Like, Mariana Trench deep. We know you love us and we love you, but we can’t be that important. We _can’t_.”

Yet Leo held his ground, not willing to gave up. He needed for them to understand. “You can and you are.” He put up one his hand, silencing them before they managed to protest in the first place. “Mikey, you make us all laugh, you hold the whole family together. Raph, you’re always here to protect, always stand up when someone needs it. And Don, you take care of us and keep me and Raph from killing each other.

“I know you still don’t get it but I can’t imagine living without any of you. I just can’t. You’re my little brothers, you’re what keeps me going when I want to give up. I love you more than anything in this world and I always will, whether you like it or not.”

He was the eldest brother. It was his destiny to take care of his younger brothers but he would never told them that, knowing they would only argue more. It was a hard task but he loved it, he accepted it and put into it all the love and care he had for his brothers. 

He would be completely, utterly lost without them.

“You’re right,” Raph nodded, “we don’t like it.”

“We can’t imagine life without you, too, you know?” Don muttered. “I know we can’t change your mind overnight over the ‘nothing’ thing but please, Leo, please promise us that when you’ll think like you don’t matter, you’ll come to us. Because you do matter, Leo.”

Mikey stared at him, looking right in his eyes. “You matter to us, big bro,” he breathed out. “And we know you’d do anything for us but so would we. We want you to be okay, too.”

Leonardo bowed his head in defeat. “I know. And I’ll come to you, okay?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “I love you. I know I’ve said it many times already but it changes nothing. I love you so much.”

“You can never say ‘I love you’ enough,” Mikey chuckled, once again leaning close to hug him. “I can listen forever, you know?”

“We know, Mikey,” Raph assured him. “And Leo… I love ya, too.”

“Make that three,” the youngest corrected him.

Don grinned at them. “Four, actually.”

And then they laughed and hugged and Leonardo allowed himself to be lost in the moment. He knew his brothers were just worried, knew they meant well. There were some thing he would never tell them about, some things he could never promise, but what they were asking from him was something he _could_ do.

And he will keep his promise if it would mean his brothers woud feel better and didn’t worry about him. That was his job, after all.

As long as he had his brothers, he had a reason to fight. And he would do anything to stay by his brothers’ sides.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, don’t know how many of you have noticed but **I take prompts**! As long as it’s not t-cest or something like that, I think I’d be able to write that. :P (And OC’s and reader POV’s. I don’t do these.)


End file.
